Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
