Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
