I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
