I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
