Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
