He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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