If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
