shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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