I accidentally had phone sex last night
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
