I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
