Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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