you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
