im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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