im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
