after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
