I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
