woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
