Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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