why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize