I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
