If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
