don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
