i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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