Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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