can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
