i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
