the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
