I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
