I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
