peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Acid is not a monday night drug
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
