I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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