I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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