If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
