Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
