Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
