Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
