She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we're making bets on your personal life
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
