what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize