I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
