they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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