found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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