Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
