There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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