So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
