Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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