i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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