Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
