nut hugger
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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