You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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