normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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