Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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