If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
