It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
