pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Pants are for mortals
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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