I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
