Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You need a sexual gate keeper
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
