If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize