Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
