guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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