the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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