Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
