So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
