I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
