I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
