1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
