The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
