i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
