I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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