Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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