Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
