dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
