spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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