Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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